Thursday, August 30, 2012

The Seven tours cult

Come my children, let us get away from all these haters. I have prepared a place of solitude where you all can worship me. I have purchased the Waco compound dirt cheap from the county fire sale, and we can all live there in harmony. Of course I had to have a new fence installed to keep those USADA bastards from coming in an stealing my tour trophies.
We love you Lance, can we all have your babies please?

Friday, August 24, 2012

Your'e so vain, you probably think this post is about you.

I always knew that the truth would prevail, I just didn't expect it so fast. When I first heard the news I could hardly comprehend it, Lance actually threw in the towel. I can't blame him, the mountains of testimony he would have faced if this went to trial would have been really embarrassing and damning to him I'm sure. Just imagine him having to listen to big George spill his guts under oath, those boys were tight and have endured a lot together. But I always felt George had a conscious, and could never really figure out how he tolerated Lance's bullshit all those years. Well at least George has come clean and his mind can be clear now. I don't think Lance will ever admit to his wrongdoings. He is obviously very strong willed with a HUGE ego. This is probably the real tradegey of all this, without a confession he will never be able to look in the mirror and see a man of character. All the legions of Lance chronies will stand by him of course, just like Tammy Wynette's famous song; "stand by your man." Nike has already chosen to stand by him, for which I vow never to buy any nike logo crap ever again. Trek is still on the fence, so only time will tell. Can you imagine the absolute turmoil going on at their PR department right now? They probably have the most to lose in all this but if they want me to buy any of their brands ever again they better do the right thing this time. Hopefully they will feel the pain and regret of not listening to Lemond years ago when he told them Lance was dirty. Ok, by now I'm sure many people are crying out, "This only hurts the sport of cycling." To which I say, "This is the best thing that has happened to cycling in the last several decades!" Now, for the first time in years, you can look a new rider in the eye and say, "Yes, you can win clean, and if you try to cheat you will get caught eventually." This is a great day for all future champions. You no longer have to inject needles into your body, you don't have to lie all the time to your family and friends, you don't have to worry about a piss test, and you don't have to feel guilty about your performances. I will mark this on my calendar as the day that bicycle racing made a comeback to what it should have been all along: A sport a pure strength, tactics, and beauty. Send your hate mail know I love it!

Tuesday, August 07, 2012

Double race update.... A week after Raystown it was time for the Findlay TT. I was really looking forward to this race since I had a good result there last year. Unfortunately my legs had other plans. When I hit the woods I just felt like a dying battery. The legs turned over but there was zero speed coming out. I ended up 2nd to Ross(BIG SHOCKER), which I could have been pleased with if my riding was good. But the way I felt even if I won it would have been an unsatisfying ride. Maybe I fried myself too much at Raystown? Well there's really no 'maybe' to it at all. I went easy for the next week and tried some new singletrack at Royalview. Nice course overall but my desire to pedal was not there...more rest needed. Another easy week and my legs started to come around a bit, just in time for the Roaster at Chestnut Ridge. Aptly name, it was freaking hot! I had never been on this course and didn't bother any preride due to the oppressive heat. We started off with the younger experts and despite my intentions to start slow I got the hole-shot off the line. (perhaps bmx would have suited me better). Anyways that didn't last long as I was quickly gobbled up by most of the pack. The first lap I felt good and was first in my age group coming around to start lap two. It didn't take long for the heat to turn my stomach into a cesspool of undigested water and gu. I got that bloated feeling that only comes from racing in the heat and the pace quickly withered away. It was so bad that I actually wondered if I would be able to finish the third lap at all. The eventual winner, Jeff Rupnow(never met him before), had dispatched me with ease somewhere on a climb. I could hear the third place guy stalking me from behind like some National Geographic film where the little gazelle gets eaten on camera by a large cat. My gels finally made their way to my bloodstream and a surge of carbs came to the rescue none too soon. I actually was able to increase my pace to hold him off for another 2nd place. If nothing else in life I am consistent. The race took me 2:13 to complete while the likes of Dave Walker was well under 2 hours. Speaking of the heat....My wife Andrea had a bit of a melt down during her race and had a good conversation with one of the park rangers that went something like this: Andrea:"I was so hot I was going to jump in that lake out there!" Park ranger:"There is no lake in this park." That pretty much sums up her race.

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