I miss the care free bike shop days

On this gloomy ohio day I was just reminiscing about the fun times I've had as a dumb bike mechanic for 17 years of my life. You can't really make a living at it, but there are indeed benefits that go beyind the shitty pay. Here are a few things you should be aware of if you want great service next time you go to yor LBS.

1. Don't bother being chummy to the owner, he's not the one that will really take care of you. He is indeed there to make money, which is fine of course, but the mechanic in the back is the guy who really needs to like you.

2. Bring food to your mechanic. This is state law, and you will receive great benefits from this action.

3. Don't bring in  bike that looks like a a moose with just took a shit on it. Clean it first then wipe that nasty chain down. Also remove all of your stupid seat bags and water bottles.

4. Don't walk into the shop 5 minutes before they close. The employees want to go ride, and if you screw that up you will pay dearly for this infraction.$$$$$$$!

5. If you see your mechanic drinking from a plastic cup that he is passing around with the other mechanics don't question the contents. Just look at this as a great opportunity to get some great deals as his buzz sets in. But remember, don't hold him over, because drunk or not he still wants to get that ride in after work.

6. Don't fear that the mechanic has been drinking, if he is worth his salt, he will do a better job anyways because the buzz will take his mind off of his shitty pay.  But this is also where the food you brought comes in to help lower his BAC%.

7. Don't ask how to do your own repairs. You may watch if you are a well liked customer, but just observe in silence.

8.  Don't wait till the first nice day of spring to get your bike fixed right away. What on earth were you doing all freaking winter anyways?

This is not a complete list but a good start. What happens if you violate these rules? Well you don't really want to know but I can assure you that fire will be involved. Remember the years of low pay and working weekends has been eating away at the mechanics brain, therefore there are no guarantees for your bikes safety.